Everyday stuff

Where is The Hulk?

May 26, 2011 — Leave a comment

Why is it that I all of a sudden have fallen into a funk? Maybe it is something in my mind just not kicking in or maybe there is to much on my mind to focus on anyone thing. Whatever it is I am starting to get really pissed off about.

It has been like this for two weeks now. I don’t know what to do any more when it comes to emotions. Sometimes I think I forgot how to feel. I mean I can’t remember the last time I actually broke down and let it all out. Maybe it was when my grandfather died in 2006 was the last time I knew real raw emotion. I felt joy at my wedding and I feel joy everyday when I wake up next to my best friend in the world my darling wife. But I seem to be having a problem finding that pure unadulterated raw energy that used to fuel my workouts.

Back when I did bodybuilding in my early 20’s I had this raw energy that just fueled my workouts with a passion that was just intense. I can’t seem to find that right now. I know it is there, but how do I tap into it? This is going to keep me awake all night. Maybe I should never of taken up meditation. It seems to have calmed the inner beast. My friends call me The Hulk because of the amount of weights I can move now, but they used to call me The Hulk because of the way my eyes would go from blue to deep green when I entered into my place of rage and raw emotion.

Maybe unlike Dr. Banner I have been able to silence the beast within? Maybe I need to find my source of rage again so the Hulk can see the light of day again. I hate that I have no want or drive anymore. Everything used to be about creating a better future, but now it just seems to be about reaching my future safely. I used to believe that if you arrived safely into old age you never lived. Maybe that’s my problem.

Maybe I want to grow old safely instead of crash landing and flaming out. Whatever is wrong with me I need to find the beast again!  I need to feel.that power that comes with him and not be scared to live anymore. I need to find The Hulk!

Who to be angry at?

May 18, 2011 — Leave a comment

Sometimes life can hit you with a punch from out of no where.  While I knew that my wife and I would have issues getting pregnant once we received the PCOS diagnosis I did not think that my world would get turned even more upside down.  Despite all the prayers and positive thinking we received the news that without IVF treatments we would not know the joys of parenthood.  I knew in my heart of hearts that this was a serious possibility since my wife is a little older than I am, but I was holding out hope that it would be good news and that we would be able to start trying to have a family immediately.

A morning later I sit here typing this and wonder why is it I am so filled with rage I am ready to ripe down the building I am in around my own head.  having studied psychology in college it is natural to feel something at such devastating news.  My wife has shed many tears over the preceding weeks and last night also.  She has become philosophical and has even brought up the idea of adopting a baby.  While I am happy with that idea it just seems that there should be some kind of emotion I should be feeling other than rage.  I am a well-educated man who has felt the entire spectrum of emotions before.  I cried the moment I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me last June.  I felt pride in my accomplishments through out my life.  I have felt sadness at the break up of my first marriage (yes I actually did for about a minute and then got on with life).

I simply keep coming back to the fact that I really don’t know how to feel about anything.  Whenever I have become depressed about anything I have always shut down and retreated within myself.  Maybe I am doing that again and just don’t want to admit the pain I feel.  I hate that Trish will never know the feeling of sheer joy at hearing some little person calling her mommy.  At standing there during all the big moments of another person’s life.  I feel like God has taken that from her because of me.  Sometimes I wonder if God is not punishing me for my past.  I know I was never a good person, but I tried.  But I know God never overtly punishes us for things.

Well I am guessing this will allow me to concentrate on my bodybuilding and creating a career for myself out of it (hopefully).

Why you should have a coach in bodybuilding

February 27, 2011 — Leave a comment

Sitting here eating my tilapia and potatoes (yams) and thinking about something my trainer said to me last month.  I was really down in the dumps because it felt like I was not advancing any at all and was looking at things to do to change everything radically.  I thought about trying a little of everything from doing no carbs 5 days a week to marathon cardio sessions.  Jamie as always just took it all in and then simply told me to chill out.  I was making plenty of progress.  It just didn’t look like it to me because I was getting on the scale everyday and looking in the mirror everyday judging myself.

He reminded me it was not my job to judge how I looked it was his.  That is what he was there for and to trust him that things were coming along just fine.  Slow and steady just like the turtle (who eventually won the race).  Well I have to say him making me take a step back and taking a deep breath worked.  I have quit worrying about anything other then putting one foot in front of the other.  I know people always think they can do things themselves, but the big problem in that is no matter what anyone says you are not your biggest critic.  You cannot see every little weak spot no matter how hard you look.  You need that second set of eyes to look at things from the outside.  I just wanted to say thanks to Jamie and of course to all the trainers out there thank you for all you do for your clients.

Also I want to do a shout out to the wives and girlfriends of those of us that call ourselves bodybuilders.  Without your support we could never do what we do.  I just want to say my wife is my biggest fan and supporter.  Thank you honey.  I can never repay you for all you put up with (unless you really want those Jimmy Choo high heels or boots then I will have to save some money).  Love you.

Lazy Sunday

February 27, 2011 — Leave a comment

Well here we are it is Sunday morning and I am waiting for my wife to finish getting ready so we can go have breakfast.  She introduced me to this little place called Mimi’s Cafe.  They have a damn good egg white omlete with chipolte sauce and veggies.  Wish she would hurry up…LOL

I have legs today and then an hour of cardio.  Most likely going to just use treadmill and elliptical today.  Legs will be dead from all the heavy lifting I am going to subject them too.  Also gotta do abs.  Bodyweight is coming down nicely even though I didn’t have any huge lose this week.  I will post up more in a little bit since it looks like my darling wife is ready to go.

Hump Day

February 23, 2011 — Leave a comment

Thank goodness for hump day.  It gives you the ability to see from the top of the mountain and see the descending slope to the end of the week.  This week has somewhat been a little busy for me, but training is going well and so is cardio.  Might step it up and throw in some at night also, but have to consult with my trainer on this one.  Shoulders are coming along, but need to kick it up another notch for pretty much all my body parts.  But hey slowly, but surely wins the race as everyone always says.

Well time to get back to work after having my lunch break.  Peace.

It was a good birthday

February 17, 2011 — Leave a comment

Well today was my birthday and as many of you know since I am dieting I only get one cheat meal a week if my trainer thinks I have done well that week.  Well tonight I had a great cheat meal dinner.  As always it was Italian, but I opted for manicotti instead of my usual angel hair pasta in meat sauce.  A change of pace is always nice.  I did work today (gotta make up for the 6 months i was unemployed and could not pay all the bills)

Tomorrow is a new day and one step closer to my show.  So I have to hit cardio extra hard to burn off the bread I had.  Peace and good night.

Another day another dollar

February 10, 2011 — 1 Comment

Well I am sitting here at work taking a quick 5 minute break and decided to get on and post up another blog.  I am beyond tired and wondering how in the world I am going to make it through the day.  Getting up super early in the morning to hit the gym and try to develop the body I need for July and then come home eat breakfast and prep food for the rest of the day just sucks and throw in on top of it working for 9 hours and I think I am in serious need of a nap.  But as they say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

I do love my new job in that I can actually do things that I love to do in IT.  At other jobs they limited what you could do, but here I get to roll my sleeves up and get my hands dirty.  Which to a nerd means playing with servers and all that computer geek stuff.  Though I am by no means a total geek, but hey my favorite movie of all time is Star Wars so maybe I am, but I am bigger then you so I can laugh at you.

Hit chest this morning and have really been concentrating on getting a good stretch at the bottom of the rep and contracting at the top of the rep to really try to get all the muscle fibers shooting off.  Gotta build a huge chest if I even want to dream about one day standing on the stages of the pro league, but since that is in the distant future I am concentrating on the here and now and doing what I need to do to build my physique.  Diet is coming along great also though I am tired of green veggies, but hey I will deal with it.

Time to get back to work hope everyone has a good day and an even better night.

Saturday

February 5, 2011 — Leave a comment

Well weigh in went awesome. Officially down 4.25 lbs this week so I am really proud of that loss. Though I gotta keep going strong and just remember that the only person that can kill my goal is myself. So not going to let any mental blocks rock my losses and my muscle gain. Going to change things up a little and not actually list my routines anymore. Thinking that other people are trying to emulate my routines so no more. If ya’ll need a great trainer shoot me an email and I will hook you up with Jamie. He is a great coach and knows his stuff.

Did back routine today and really did not kill the weight, but I really let my lats stretch on everything and stressed the hell out of the contraction of the muscle. Diet is going well though I do miss a meal here and there since I started back to work finally. Gotta get better at getting all my meals in and not let things interrupt me even if it is 30 minutes later then need be. My body needs the prtein and what carbs I am allowed to eat through out the day. Thinking in the offseason I am going to create a recipe book (ebook) version for bodybuilders cause I know that our meals are so bland. I have a bunch of recipes in my mind and need to write them down. Who knows maybe I will be a famous book writer. That would be a cool thing, but I want to stay true to me and be a bodybuilder first and foremost.

I have to give a shout out to Evogen Nutrition and Hany Rambod. He is the Pro Creator for a reason and inventor of EVP and Cell KEM. You can check out his site at Evogen Nutrition.  The products he has created are the best pre and post workout supplements on the market today.  Also check out his other site FST-7.

Hope the team you want to win the Super Bowl (I am a Bears fan so I am routing for the Packers(my grandmother’s team) to win).

An open letter to newbies in the gym

January 7, 2011 — Leave a comment

To all the new gym rats,

It is not that I don’t like having you in the gym because i think everyone should have a healthy lifestyle and workout. But I do have a couple of requests for you.

First if you are watching me workout and have questions I do not mind being interrupted to explain the movement and the mechanics behind it. But if I take 5-10 minutes to do that do not go back to where you were working out and still do the exercise wrong. It just pisses all of us off. Second if you don’t know how to use the equipment please for the good Lord’s sake ask someone before either you hurt yourself or you screw the equipment up. Also if you think you are a workout warrior 9 out of 10 times you really are not so please don’t try to lift a lot of weight. It only makes you look bad. Also if you need a spot then ask no one really has a problem helping out.

Also please don’t ask someone to help you design a workout for you and think it is going to be free. No one is going to do that. And lastly if you are just sitting on a piece of equipment staring at a good looking girl or guy then please move it is really annoying when a real gym rat is trying to work out.

Sincerely,
Me

And onto another subject. Workouts have gone good for the last two days and cardio on Monday and Tuesday. Totally changed up my workout and cardio days. Always remember that day 1 does not have to start on a monday. Mine starts on a wednesday. That is all for today.

Day 1

January 3, 2011 — Leave a comment

Well did cardio this morning on a stepmill. 50 minutes on the fat burn program kinda sucked, but I gotta get this body fat off fast so not going to think about it. Will do a 30 minute Zumba session also on the Wii. Always good to do different types of cardio.

My diet is straight forward. One meal of carbs and that is it. I get oatmeal at breakfast. So looking forward to July 17th. Then again it is really bad on your body to overload carbs right after a show so I will work up to a normal level of carbs over 2 weeks.

Also planning to take a nice vacation with my wife up to Tennessee so she can see all her friends and I can see all the spots she hung out and worked at. Never been to Nashville so I will try to find out from Nashville residents Flex Lewis or Brendan Curry where a good gym is located.

Well time to Zumba.