Well today was a good day for me. I truly feel like I took a step forward in my goal. Tomorrow though is another say I can derail myself.

I have cardio in the morning and then after work I have legs to end my “workout week”. Seeing as my day 1 falls on a Friday like I said in another post. Below is workout for today. Today was shoulders.

Side lateral raises 3×12,10,8
DB Presses 4×12,12,10,8
Front raises 3×12,10,8
Machine presses 7×12

Rear db raises 3×12,10,8
Reverse pec dec 3×12,12,10
High pulls 7×12

Side shrugs 7×12 (traps get a lot of work in other bodyparts so I just do 7’s)

Alright time for bed.

To say I hate Monday mornings is an understatement. Though my wife hates them more. It is the start to the work week and also it is the ending of my workout week.

Thats right my day one for workouts is actually Friday. If you follow the work week that is great, but sometimes things don’t always go your way and you have to modify the schedule. Plus I enjoy having a different schedule. I still follow a 2 day on 1 off (I will normally take 2 days off in a row to recover between legs and back).  My off days are Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday. I still do cardio those days, but I always appreciate my days off.

Well time to finish getting ready for work.

Well went to bed at the “usual” time on Sunday nights and lo and behold I woke up at 2:30am and could not go back yo sleep at all. So I laid in bed trying to figure out my goals for the next month. Well taking into account for Thanksgiving I need to lose the weight I gained back while I was on the road the last three weeks. Having to go out onto rigs to swap out computers did not do me any good since I had no chance to do workouts or cardio.

So I think my entire goal is to lose the belly fat that I put back on from all the bad food I’ve eaten. If anyone has ever been on a rig platform they know that clean eating is none existent. The good thing is I am not having to travel anymore so I have access to my treadmill at home for 45 minutes of cardio in the morning and about 30 minutes at night before bed.

I will be slowly working myself back into my routine over the next month. I’ve really listened to my mentor Jaime and know that I can’t just jump back onto the wagon at what I was doing before I started all my traveling to the remote sites that were in small little towns. I have to start off slow and then once my body is hitting on all cylinders again I can get start back on all the killer weights and cardio sessions.

My goal is to compete at the 2013 Texas State here in Houston. Doesn’t matter what my weight is on the scale anymore. I come in at what I come in at. All that matters is I present the best me. As Dorian Yates always said, ” You are not competing with everyone else. You are competing to see how much better you are then last time.”

Why is it that I all of a sudden have fallen into a funk? Maybe it is something in my mind just not kicking in or maybe there is to much on my mind to focus on anyone thing. Whatever it is I am starting to get really pissed off about.

It has been like this for two weeks now. I don’t know what to do any more when it comes to emotions. Sometimes I think I forgot how to feel. I mean I can’t remember the last time I actually broke down and let it all out. Maybe it was when my grandfather died in 2006 was the last time I knew real raw emotion. I felt joy at my wedding and I feel joy everyday when I wake up next to my best friend in the world my darling wife. But I seem to be having a problem finding that pure unadulterated raw energy that used to fuel my workouts.

Back when I did bodybuilding in my early 20’s I had this raw energy that just fueled my workouts with a passion that was just intense. I can’t seem to find that right now. I know it is there, but how do I tap into it? This is going to keep me awake all night. Maybe I should never of taken up meditation. It seems to have calmed the inner beast. My friends call me The Hulk because of the amount of weights I can move now, but they used to call me The Hulk because of the way my eyes would go from blue to deep green when I entered into my place of rage and raw emotion.

Maybe unlike Dr. Banner I have been able to silence the beast within? Maybe I need to find my source of rage again so the Hulk can see the light of day again. I hate that I have no want or drive anymore. Everything used to be about creating a better future, but now it just seems to be about reaching my future safely. I used to believe that if you arrived safely into old age you never lived. Maybe that’s my problem.

Maybe I want to grow old safely instead of crash landing and flaming out. Whatever is wrong with me I need to find the beast again!  I need to feel.that power that comes with him and not be scared to live anymore. I need to find The Hulk!